Parent laments child's dislike for math

I came across an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal, "Our child hates math: Is it our fault?" The article highlights clearly the destructive effects that homework can have on children. I wrote the following comment to the article:

Thank you for this excellent article. It gives me the chance to make an important point. No, you should not feel guilty that your child hates math. No, you should not brush up on your own math skills. The problem here is not that you don’t know or like math. The problem is that someone outside your family is setting the agenda for what goes on in your home.

You do not tell your child’s teacher what lessons she should teach. Why is she telling you and your child what you have to do at home? It’s the homework, not the math, that is causing your child’s response. For God’s sake, she is only 7 years old.

Your child was born to a mommy and daddy who are well versed in the humanities and the arts. She could have been born to a handyman, who likes to work around the house. She could have been born to an accountant, who uses numbers every day. She’s your child and it’s your home, and she does not need her teacher disrupting your milieu, and interfering with what your family considers fun.

I was born to a “math family.” Math was fun. I majored in math in college. I began graduate studies in math before switching to psychology and, later, learning to write. My love for math started in my home. As I grew up, I had a number of teachers who inspired me to pursue things my parents did not do.

Your child’s teacher can instill an appreciation for science and math if she teaches her students with passion. They can learn everything they need to know about first and second grade math within the 6+ hours they have with her every day. They can increase their understanding and interest in these topics as they move through the grades and meet other teachers who teach subjects like science and math, with knowledge, passion, and delight. But she will not develop interests when teachers are encouraged and allowed to co-opt a setting, your home, that is outside the class.

Research does not even support that idea that homework has value for children your child’s age. And teachers are not taught in their schools of education the theory, research and practice of giving homework.

So, love your child. Make sure your home is filled with fun. And if humanities and arts are of interest to you, share those passions unabashedly with your child, without worrying at all that you should do something else.

What do you think? Please post a comment.

_{For more information on Dr. Goldberg's model, read other postings on this blog, visit his website, The Homework Trap, or read his book, The Homework Trap: How to Save the Sanity of Parents, Students and Teachers.} 

 

Time in or time out

I came across an article, written by an exacerbated parent, in the online Wall Street Journal. The parent was struggling with how to put limits on the use of electronic media in the service of having her children get their homework done. When I lecture on The Homework Trap, I often ask parents what they think is a good consequence for homework not done and, to a tee, the answer involves removing the types of devices the writer refers to here. I then point out that the hallmark of a “good consequence,” is one that it is one that works, and the way you know it works is that you do not have to use it again. Consequences that continue to be used teach avoidant behavior, not homework compliance.

So, I’m going to offer this mother, and parents everywhere, an alternative to efforts to limit time doing things that are fun, and that is to limit time on the homework. Most parents have no trouble getting their kids to go to school. Their children know when the school day starts, and they know when it stops. Adults know when they’re supposed to show up for their jobs. They know when they can go home. It’s the natural order of things that “work” and “chores” be planned and placed in containers. Fun, free-time, is yours to use. So rather than engage in repetitive and unproductive efforts to get your child to limit what he wants to do, place limits on what he has to do. Set up an at-home study hall. Call it quiet time. Join your child, not in completing the homework, but in maintaining the quiet norm. Read a book. Take care of some personal business. Use the time to finish things from your work that you did not have time to complete during the work day. Do it the space where your child works and be available to “help” the child only if needed and requested by the child. But make sure that when the homework/quiet session is over, it completely comes to a stop, whether or not all the work has been done.

You’ll find yourself being much more effective overseeing your child’s behavior and helping your child get more work done by resisting the temptation to place boundaries on things that are fun, and begin putting the boundaries on the “must-do’s,” like homework, the child faces at night.


For more information on Dr. Goldberg's model, read other postings on this blog, visit his website, The Homework Trap, or read his book, The Homework Trap: How to Save the Sanity of Parents, Students and Teachers.