Parenting Style -- Does it Matter with Homework?

In today's New York Times, there is a debate over whether or not to include children in determining their punishments (Should Kids Pick Their Own Punishments?) Frankly, I would rather see kids pick their own punishments than to have teachers pick the punishments for in-the-home behaviors over the judgments of the parents. Here's the comment I submitted to the paper:

This discussion is entirely academic when we consider that the primary cause of child, behavioral problems is homework. As a psychologist of 35 years and a parent of 3 children, I can say, with confidence, that there is no issue that makes parents feel so helpless or impacts the family, more severely, than our practice of vesting in 30 or more homework-giving teachers (over 12 years of public education), the power to exert severe, life-impacting penalties on our children. Children who have trouble absorbing and retaining verbal instructions and who read or write slowly cannot do their work in a reasonable period of time. Yet, unlike the time-bound school day, the homework session is endless. This basic fact (individual differences between children and the parents’ lack of say in their own homes) drives behavioral problems to the point that the differences in parenting styles and beliefs discussed here are irrelevant to resolving problems. Without the behavioral engine being driven by homework demands, either of these approaches is equally good. www.thehomeworktrap.com.

 

_{For more information on Dr. Goldberg's model, read other postings on this blog, visit his website, The Homework Trap, or read his book, The Homework Trap: How to Save the Sanity of Parents, Students and Teachers.} 

Friday or Sunday Homework

I read this article that poses the question of whether students should do their weekend homework on Friday or Sunday night. The homework appears to apply to long term projects and ones done at the high school level, where homework is more appropriate than at the younger grades. Here is the link to the article, and below is the comment I posted to the article.

I don't think the issue is when your child does the homework, but whether or how the homework impacts family life. In reality, people function in different ways. Some are planners. Some do things the last minute. Despite those different styles, people still live good and productive lives. As long as your child is managing his work in a reasonably independent way, you're okay and you're better off supporting him doing it his way than adopting yours or some other seemingly "right" way.
You know you have homework problems when things seem grossly out of sync. Family life fails to match what you think it should be, and you find yourself acting in ways you would rather not. That's what happened in my family. For my oldest two kids, things went well. Once was more industrious than the other. One was more planful than the other. Both graduated from college and are successful in their careers. My youngest child, in contrast, had persistent homework problems. For him, I made the mistake of thinking that homework "had" to get done and that it was my job to get on his case. In retrospect, I wish I had insisted on homework relief. He would have gotten far more done if he had been given clear limits on the amount of time he had to spend on his assignments. I think one key factor that gets overlooked with homework is that parents are the rightful heads of their homes, and should make decisions that may overrule the teachers, when homework causes problems. I discuss this further on my website, www.thehomeworktrap.com.

*****

Dr. Kenneth Goldberg, is the author of The Homework Trap: How to Save the Sanity of Parents, Teachers, and Students, published by Wyndmoor Press.

 I recommend giving copies of the book to the teachers at your child's school. Discount purchases are available through Wyndmoor Press. Single copies can be purchased at Amazon.

 

Reasons why your child may refuse to do homework

Here's a very simple, to the point, article on why a child might not do homework. I like what it says and would add one comment, that parents should keep in mind that they, and they alone, are the heads of their own homes.

In the end, it is the parent's decision, not the school's decision, what the evening will look like. Most parents support the school and want their children to do what they are told to do. But in the end, a parent may feel that it is in the child's best interest to have some form of homework reduction. Parents should not feel shy about making that point and sticking to it.

One of my primary recommendations is to make homework time-bound. The norm in the field is ten minutes per night per grade. Although I think that may be a bit excessive, it is still okay. So take that norm and use a real clock. When the time is over, the child is free to do other things. This approach is reasonable. Your child is likely to do more under these conditions than if forced to keep working all night long. It also helps you identify what other issues may be going on. If your child does not understand the work, you'll get a better sense that that is the problem by seeing what he or she can do in a fixed period of time than in struggling and battling all night long.

And if you feel that your are truly in a homework trap, visit my website, www.thehomeworktrap.com.

Knowing that you are in the homework trap

Here are ten questions to ask yourself to find out if you are in the homework trap:
 

1. Do you spend hours every night fighting with your child over homework that does not get done?
2. Will your child endure almost any punishment rather than complete his homework?
3. Even when your child tries, does he seem to get very little done?
4. Does your child push you away when you try to help?
5. Does your child come home from school without his assignments?
6. If your child does his homework, does he fail to take it in?
7. If he takes his homework to school, does he fail to turn it in?
8. Was he once eager and interested in school?
9. Do parent-teacher conferences get you nowhere?
10. Do you think about homework nearly all the time?

If this describes your life, read the different articles on this blog and visit my website, The Homework Trap.