I came across an
article on Fighting the Homework Battles with Kids, http://mom.me/parenting/education/6578-fighting-homework-battle-kids/?p=2,
that gives some common, standard, and good advice. The article quotes two
sources, a book by Neil McNerney, “Homework, a Parental Guide to Helping Out
Without Freaking Out,” and a book by Fran Walfish, “The Self-Aware Parent.” The
article speaks to the value of having a positive dialogue with your child,
recognizing that things change with advancing age, making sure that homework is
about the child, not about you, insuring that the child has access to a
comfortable space in which to do the work and has the necessary supplies
readily at hand. Who could disagree with those recommendations?
As those who
follow my writings know, I am a psychologist, familiar with principles of
behavior, and I am the father of three grown children, two of whom managed the
homework system well. I can tell you, with confidence, that regardless of how
much I adhered to these principles, they would not have worked with my youngest
child. There is no way in which good, common advice will work for the child who
is homework-trapped. In my estimation, somewhere between ten and twenty-five
percent of all children fit in that category. Here’s the problem.
First, parents
differ in who they are. As it is, I’ve been successful through the course of my
life (a master’s in mathematics, a doctorate in psychology, and four books to
my name), yet, I am fairly disorganized and free-spirited by nature. So is my
wife, and our children have benefitted (and perhaps in some ways suffered) from
being raised by parents like us. The fact that two of our children had no major
difficulties with school (and its homework policies) simply highlights the fact
that parents are different, and being who we are, is not a roadblock to
successfully growing up. The notion that parents can solve homework problems by
simply following the lifestyle advice that others give is not true. There are
all sorts of ways of living and those ways of living apply to how we parent as
well. Solutions to homework noncompliance must take into account who those
parents are.
Second, the fundamental
reason why my homework-trapped child, and why the homework-trapped children I
see through the course of my practice, had difficulties is educational, not
behavioral. The behavioral difficulties evolve as an adaptation to the learning
(or sometimes under-the-radar learning) problems that may not qualify as a
full-blown learning disability, but nevertheless, impact homework completion.
Third, teachers
are not trained in the theory, practice, and research of homework. It is absolutely
shocking that we give people, who are well trained to teach but not well
trained to give homework, so much power and authority over what goes on in the
home.
Fourth, the
solutions to in-home problems never come from outsiders placing parents in
positions with high degrees of responsibility but low levels of authority. This
is what happens to the parents of homework trapped children and it is certainly
what happened to my wife and me. We were recognized as extremely competent
parents with our older two children because they did well in school, but would
then get challenged constantly for the difficulties we had with our homework
trapped child. The different had nothing do to do with our parenting, but
everything to do with his learning. And his learning problems were not great. They
appeared in his reading and writing speed, and he had some difficulties paying attention.
He learned well in class. Homework took forever if he even knew what he was
supposed to do.
This created a
serious case of the “tail wagging the dog,” since the homework (a practice that
is not taught in schools of education) was allowed to interfere with the education
of an otherwise friendly, bright, and reasonably well motivated child.
Good parents are
always open to new ideas so tips like the ones found in today’s featured
article are worth giving consideration. But you won’t find solutions unless you
accurately consider what the problem truly is, and in most cases, kids who can
do their homework will do their homework, even if they have a few bad
days.
To rectify this problem,
it is critical to reconsider the underlying notion of homework, and the shocking
reality that we vest so much authority into people who, despite their skills as
teachers, are dangerously overvaluing a practice that has limited value and for
which their training is slight.
For more information on Dr. Goldberg's model, read other postings on this blog, visit his website, The Homework Trap, or read his book, The Homework Trap: How to Save the Sanity of Parents, Students and Teachers.
For more information on Dr. Goldberg's model, read other postings on this blog, visit his website, The Homework Trap, or read his book, The Homework Trap: How to Save the Sanity of Parents, Students and Teachers.
No comments:
Post a Comment